Creations of an Unstable Mind

Simple Irregularities

2011-07-04T02:25:00.003+05:30

A day so normal but dissimilar...

It is 1:11 AM & i am in a mood to write. Some very normal & nostalgic talk is going around around me.

Sanchay Karidhal left for Mumbai today, a different sort of music awaits ... a new humm(mmmmmm...) . It has been almost 45 days now, since the day i left Chacha Chachi’s house...

In the afternoon, Sanchay Karidhal left & i felt my heart in the stomach, for a moment or so... Sanchay Karidhal logged off for some time to come. A genre of my life, moved to music of evolution records, once more...for some time atleast...

A very normal Sunday, washing clothes, cleaning the toilet, bathing, eating & booking tickets for transformers-3. At 11 PM, post movie, we planned to go to TCs Gurgaon to find it empty, music less & full of ...lights... It was shocking to find no one & no music in Turquoise Cottage, to find it...empty ! No one, No candle lights and all of 3 guys...allowed to order one drink !!

We made the most of it... 45 minutes of control on Turquoise Cottage. Our music, our drinks & our customized TC ... Stairway to heaven & The end !

I took some photographs, Saurabh Mukerjee discussed about a Chopper (modified bullet motorcycle). The Doors – The End was played and an end to a very normal yet dissimilar day came to an end...

“This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land...”

& the song goes on ...!

-Jim Morisson

Smoke Smoke all around

Nostalgia spreads its wings

Roadhouse... roads with clean

Yellow marks

What curves am i looking at ?

What is it that i want to look at ?

Peace...!

I remember you...

2010-05-01T23:13:00.002+05:30

मुझे तेरी याद आती है...

मुझे तेरी याद आती है...

तेरी मोती जैसी आँखें तड़पाती हैं

तेरा गुस्सा भी याद आता है

और तेरा रोना भी तड़पा जाता है

मुझे तेरी याद आती है

पानी की तरह अश्रु छलक उठते हैं

'तुम' से लड़ने को दिल मचलता उठता है

अगर तुम मेरे पास होती तो पकड़ लेता

जाने न देता दूर, साँसों में जकड़ लेता

मुझे तेरी याद आती है

समुद्र के किनारे, बालू में चलते समय

पानी की कल कल एक एहसास जगा देती है

क्या एक बार जो पानी रेत को छू लेता है...

वो फिर वापस आ जाता है ?

पता नहीं ना ?...तो तेरी याद क्यूँ वापस आती है ?

क्यूँ तड़पा जाती है ?

तुझे एक मनचली तितली से ज्यादा मनचला पाया है

मैंने तुझे रेशम से नर्म पाया है

आग और पानी सा साफ़ पाया है

मैंने तुझमें खुद को पाया है

शीशा शायद एक बार झूठ बोल दे

मैंने तुझमें अपना अक्स कई बार पाया है

तुझे याद कर...मेरी आँखें रोज़ डबडबा जाती हैं

तेरे बिन मेरी शाम बेरंग सी हो जाती है

कागज़ पे स्याही जवाब दे जाती है...

तेरी याद...सारे मुकाम भुला जाती है...

हर पल को तुझसे जोड़ जोड़ कर थक गया हूँ

तुझे हर पल सोच सोच कर थक गया हूँ

घड़ी घड़ी समय गुज़र जाता है...

संदेस के इंतज़ार में ढल जाता है

तेरी सारी हरकतें याद आती हैं

तेरा हक जमाना...इतराना...इठलाना..

लड़ना, झगड़ना मुझे भूलता ही नहीं है...

सब याद आता है...और मन कहीं लगता ही नहीं है

मुझे तेरी याद आती है...

Sab Bhula kay...

2010-04-19T23:37:00.011+05:30

सब भुला के, मैं चला जब

पायल की छनकार, पैरों की वो लकीर

सुर्ख नज़रें और वो ज़ुल्फें

बातों की गर्मी और वो नरमी ...

गीली हैं आँखें अब मेरी ...

अब है मेरा गला सूखा

एक है इक्छा...

जो अनसुनी... दब के वो गायब , हो जाएगी

कुछ भी तो नहीं... बचेगा

राख और चिंगारी के सिवा ...

आसूं भी उड़ जायेंगे , रोना रुक जायेगा

पत्थर सी हो चुकी , हैं मेरी राहें

आँखों का पानी... सूख चूका...

चलना और उसका... ठुमकना

मुझसे वो बातें करना

आँखों को फिर मटकाना ,

घूरना , और वो नाराज़गी

रुकना है अब कहाँ …..

लहरों की तरह , ये समय है …..

ज़िन्दगी है मुकाम की तरफ

सब भुला के , जब चला मैं

खून टपकता , और गिरके सूखता

अँधेरा है चढ़ता , और मैं सुबकता

इस दरमियाँ , खली मैं बैठा

रोता सिसकता , मैं हूँ भटकता …

आज फिर , सब भुला के है आगे चलना

फिर वाही पायल , उसका वो हँसना

किसी और की अमानत , मेरा वो हीरा

मेरा है आसूं , किसी और का हीरा

मेरी ये आँखें जो हैं , रौशनी किसी और की हैं

आँखों में डूबा , सागर सा मेरा ……ये सवेरा , और अँधेरा ……

दिल की वो बातें , हीरा किसी का

वो मेरी नज़रें , और उसका चलना

नशा है बढ़ता , हूँ मैं भटकता

राहों में चलना , और सिसकना …...

©Archit ™Creations of an unstable mind_M Lo&Ro Crtnzzzz……….

2010-04-19T22:32:00.009+05:30

Pain … Of longing … or distance ... ?

This pen as soon as it came in my hand is trying to convince me. It is trying to convince me to write something, something if nothing. Now my fingers have started to roll on a bit in order to create another one of the Creations on an Unstable mind………

I write down the truths that my life has shown me. What to sketch down now is making me wonder how………..

* * * *

There are some people who enjoy pain. Because the sensation of pain gives them a pleasure unknown, and is like a drug, becomes an addiction. The torture of the insides…..kills the person from outside but no one, not even the sufferer knows what pleasure is he/she deriving out of it.

According to me, there are three kinds of people. Among them, first are those who grin and bear it. Second are those, who cry it off and move on or laugh it out and move on or laugh it out and move on. Third, those who neither laugh, neither cry, nor move on. Instead they stick to it relentlessly.

Yes, I am talking about pain. There are people who enjoy pain, just like drug addicts. These are personalities who stick to it thinking about it, killing themselves to derive nothing but an unknown pleasure which is………

God knows what…….??

* * * * * *

These pages seem so blank and this ink seems so dry. I know not, why my mind seems so blank. I am not able to understand, why I can’t produce a simple stand? No emotion is flowing, no thought is surpassing. Only my mood is so different and my love so far away.

How is this longing to be defined?

Or is this the distance which hurts……?

Love is red, so bright and blatant

The heart is red, so excited and careless.

Love has no boundary and the heart follows no logic

You being so far, I have lost my senses.

My reason lacks logic and thoughts are aimless

Fear surrounds my mind, it crawls directionless.

My insides fearful are so very tragic

You being so far, my dreams have lost their magic.

The air is so hot and stinging is its flow

Water being stagnant has lost its mighty glow

The sky is all hazy seems to lose clarity

The ground is shaking terribly, your being far will cause a calamity…………

I am trying to forget you, lose my grip on you.

Divulge my feeling away from you, is what I try to do.

You are so clinging too, my mind is searching only for you

Being so far, do you have nothing to do……..?

I have been talking to this person from such a long time but his person has never before sounded so different. Don’t know why only five days seemed like an eternity.

Why, a difference so different…….?

* * * *

“Kahen dhadkane tujhse kya?

Door ja ke bhi tum mujhse, tum meri yaadon mein rehna…………

Kabhi alvida na kehna………..”

Whatever………

Silvery Tenses

2010-04-11T20:20:00.009+05:30

Along a curling road she slowly unfold
With a murmur cold she’s got a lovely hold
She’s difficult to retain and complex to explain
Lightning rage, a thunder claps her out of sage

Eyes full of dew relate a mystery new
Twinkling they twirl, the mystique is blinding, phew…!
Silence if there is, is only meant for a few
Blurry is the view when she’s across the horizon hue

Childish are her ways, she’s got her own rays
The edges all glow, like water on flow
Right steps in place, striking is her gaze
A wonderful base, she’s a damsel in haze

Green carpets white mattresses
Silver shadows and soft fallows

Siharti si shaam aur boondon ka jaam
Jhilmil si raat aur sitaron se baat

Past wooden blocks, little yellow clocks
A crimson talk in a blanket of walk

Kohre ki chaadar me hawa ho biradar
Khule kivaad aur simat jayen baadal

Smoke filled lungs draw an air of relief
May be this belief comes close and turns into disbelief

Os ke mele me, jaadu se andhere me
Sach ki raah ke fere me
Palak ke andhere me
Patton ke angiyaron me, jugnuon ke galiayaron me
Lafzon ke motiyon se
Koshish kar raha hu
aaj thehar kar, jayza lete hue,
kuch keh raha hu…

Future Vs Destiny

2010-03-08T00:57:00.001+05:30

October 1953, Dr. S. Radhakrishnan, the then President of India – “The future of Indian democracy lies in the hands of the leaders and the destiny in that of common people. Great, therefore is the responsibility of Andhra leaders and people. We cannot build a nation if our patriotism is local or linguistic.”

November 1956, consolidated Andhra Pradesh was formed Gentleman’s Agreement wherein Rayasaleema, Andhra Pradesh and Telangana were conglomerated into one. But since the time, false promises have been made by various leaders across the nation to present their regional vote bank, with the respected state, a furore across the nation noticed which basically made the speech of Mr. President flicker like a fused neon tube light on a subway which is just not supposed to be noticed.

The BJP promised a separate Telangana and TDP left BJP for the same. TRS was born at the same time where KCK emerged as the local flag bearer of the cause. If you throw some light on the issue, then it indeed is one. 42% of A.P. is Telangana and more than 70% of the revenue generated by AP is channeled from it, of which 38% is from Hyderabad alone. Only 6 years of chief ministership has been from Telangana and 20% government employees are from this region. So basically the outrage is circled around the lack of opportunity from the side of 44% population of AP which happens to be from Telangana because the leaders bit apart the schemes which should have gone into the bag of Telangana hence giving rise to an army of wolves who are ready to tear apart the same without thinking about the future. Such is the sourness of the issue that students have immolated themselves just for this sake. Its sad to see that Dr. Radhakrishnan’s faith has been usurped by people who do not have the courage to address the root cause which is split open in the form of a war now.

In my opinion, a consolidated state would certainly work wonders if the basic problems of unawareness and illiteracy are solved first and by making people understand that a broken AP or separate Telangana would again be back to square one after losing blood and left in the hands of people who wont be able to support/run the same.

Campaigns should be run and schemes should be offered to educate the common man and the benefits should be made clear in their minds. The central and state governments should work in sync and direct all the fine power towards corruption, short-sightedness which are trying to fulfill their intentions of a difficult state which can provide them enough resources to last for generations to come.

Rahul G: Dynasty Rule ?

2010-03-06T13:42:00.005+05:30

Since long we have been hearing that its easy to create a vibration in the arena if you have your family around to support you. Same is the case with mr. rahul Gandhi. On the other hand, we generally forget that it is easy to create a vibration but its pretty difficult to keep it going while bearing the pressure of high expectations.

Rahul Gandhi and Dynasty Rule: looks like it, but the person in concern is doing his best to remain in business. In india, where only emotions and the public opinion can make you or break you, Rahul has certainly inherited the platform from his family. He has had the courage to face the shiv sainiks in the eye by travelling to Mumbai amidst all types of threats. Like Rajiv Gandhi, he has had the support of the youth and by travelling in the delhi metro or taking actions which is noticed and appreciated by the youth. He is creating waves continuously which are hitting right across the Janta’s heart. In other words, he is carrying forward the legacy and is working to prove himself.

Revival of the youth through youth congress and travelling to places near and far in order to feel the common man have proved really good for Rahul. His efforts are visible and striking the right chord in the ‘indian’ society. The platform that he is standing on has been built by great people and today he even has great people backing and mentoring him. In the era of Verbal Wars, he has constantly been working and concentrating on his actions, which seems to have had a commendable effect on the voter of young india.

In my opinion, rahul Gandhi has had a shaky start due to certain inexperience but he seems to have done some quick catching up by evolving with time. Absorbing criticism and opposition alike, it is important for him to keep this exercise of being available to the common man with more campaigns on education, awareness and health. Involvement of NGO’s shall help in some way.

Amidst all the action, I think that ‘Dynasty Rule: the Tagline’ can be put aside till our candidate is performing well in the arena because: “It matters how many times you can take a punch and keep coming back. ‘Coz life will beat you to your knees but you have to keep coming back” – Rocky Balboa.

Behka hua Chaand...

2010-01-05T02:20:00.006+05:30

बारिश में टिप टिप करती बूंदों के आँचल में, लहराती भीगी चादर को ओढ़कर,
शर्मा कर, वो भीगी सी मुस्कराहट की ओट में मुझसे कुछ कहना चाहते हैं...

मुझे...
   सब को भूल कर
   सब कुछ भुला कर
   फिक्र को मिटा कर
   धीमे से झूम कर
   साँसों को थाम कर
   बादलो से बोल कर
   धूप से भाग कर
   पायल की छम छम में
   पेड़ की छाओं में
   दिल की बाहों में
   सिमट कर प्यार में
   धडकनों को थाम कर...

            "बारिश में भीगने का मन करता है...
                            कोई मुझे इतना प्यार करता है ?"

कभी 'तुम' पूछ पाओगी, खुद से, मुझ से ?
कोशिश है...

खिले हुए फूलों के उप्पर मंडराती तितलियों और आम पर बैठी कोयल
की कूक से सिहर कर, मुझे जकड कर, वो कहते हैं...

मुझे...
   ज़िन्दगी को रोक कर
   पलों को थाम कर
   मुट्ठी में बाँध कर
   साँझ की धुल में
   उडती हुई मिटटी के बीच
   पलक झपका कर
   हवा से, खेल खेल में
   चेहक कर, दुआ करने का मन करता है...

            "पिया संग, मुझे तुम में जी भर कर उड़ने का मन करता है...
                                          ये मुझसे इतना प्यार करता है ? "

कभी 'तुम' कह पाओगी, खुद से, मुझ से ?
मेरे लिए, हवा से ?
कोशिश है...

अनजानी आस का शिकार बना बैठा हूँ,
फ़कीर मैं, आज अपनी दुनिया का शेह्जादा बना बैठा हूँ...

सुबह से शाम मैं 'तुम' में डूबा रहता हूँ,
समय मिलने पर कलम से छेड़छाड़ करने निकलता हूँ...

बेताबी को सलाम कर, 'तुम' से दूर, आज बेचैन ही तो बैठा हूँ...

रूह उतर कर तुमसे मिलने को बेताब बैठी है,
तू अकड़ कर, मुस्कान दबाये बैठी है...?
कतरा कतरा जल रहे हैं पल, पल पल आलम रहा है चढ़
सितम सा है ये ज़ख्म, आज...
आज हो रहा है वो, जो सोचा नहीं था
मेरा जलता दिल रोने को मचलता है
पर 'तुम' ने तो खुश होने को कहा है

जुदा हो कर हम, मुस्कुरा कर, तुम्हारे लिए ही...
बस तुम्हारे लिए ही...
कलम से 'तुम' से मिलने की कोशिश करते हैं

आज मेरा मन भी हवा में उड़ कर भीगने का करता है
तुम्हारे साथ दो पल चलने को कहता है...

चिंहुक और आह में दिन कटता है
फिर भी दिल खुश रहने को कहता है

दिल तो...
दिल भी तो 'तुम' से ही चलता है...
आखिर... बहका हुआ चाँद है, इधर उधर फिरता है...

Nasha...

2009-08-29T00:47:00.003+05:30

What can I write?

Rather, what should I write?

How can I describe something beyond description?

How can I describe the abstract?

How to elucidate a wonder, is what I wonder now.

The sky was clear and blue, and the sun was shining adieu.

The sea was a calm hue, and the wind was in lieu a little new.

Birds were chirping a tune and my mind was indeed a fume

Waves rocking away, the droplets were cooling my face

Wind was in an array, struck my face again and again

The cliff was proud and outrageous, contrasted my emotion and situation

Condition of emotion was in a state of flood

I looked at the sun, he waved me off

I looked at the sky; he pulled up a black curtain

The birds bid farewell, the wind got silent

Feeling the sand, I had a stinging sensation

The waves rolled to beat me…

Am I lone, side cast alone?

Someone celestial waved

The man with the lantern winked

Someone close was patting me continuously

The man with the trident was waking me

And the twinkling stars had started to cry

Dew filled the space around me,

Someone heavenly was walking towards the sea

Waves were roaring and moon was disturbed

Stars were crying, heaven was flying

Clouds were fighting, light was dazzling

The sea was crouching and a butterfly unaware was gliding

Like fire it crept, like a lion it leapt

Sprang to life, my heart was at unrest

Leapt to life, my legs at their best

Pulling out the butterfly, I realized what it was

Like an adder of the past, for eve the sea was

The shore was silent, there was no one around

Like milk in moonlight, the face shone

Arms round my neck, like baby in a lap

Face in my chest, like the moon in warp

Like a fairy without wings, this butterfly was

A pentagon in hand, unveiling in this land

Heaven for sure…It was like fire and ice

(Placing it on the sepals, I blew air and waited for response, after a halt, a breath of relief. The flame in the lanterns enlightened my face but pulled on a curtain soon

Breath of life and rays of hope had flashed green, Looked at the unconscious, I looked…)

Waterfall on the temple, drops flying off, with the wind

A gently sloping contour and petals lying at its base

The moon hid itself in complexion and the night glittered to pay homage

Like a baby she laid, like innocence on hay

Unconscious exuding warmth, I thought of fire in consciousness

Comparing and failing, the unconscious with the nature

Nature took a backseat with a creation of itself

Questions unfurled without answers

Unconsciously so magnetically attractive, and loveable like life,

Could a dawn be more beautiful in consciousness?

Talking like a tempest, a child’s innocence flowing

Could a day be up and brighter than its aura?

Down so electrifying could be lightning ahead

Unconsciously so happy and peaceful, I thought of a satisfied dove in consciousness

Like a philosopher’s thoughtfulness, like love’s glamour

Truthful like blind faith, vibrant; reflecting a rainbow

Unconsciously so vibrating, was there an earthquake in conscious?

Air’s touch and coolness of experience led me delve in the deepness of sea

The vastness of sky, the awesome nature, so artistic unconsciously,

(I thought of time’s independence and God’s creativity in consciousness)

Imagination running insane, my eyes blurred in vain

First sparks disturbed my eyelids and they popped up to look at dawn

From a window somewhere far, the sun was peeping at par

Like a curtain over the sky, the clouds were rolling over the mighty sun

The birds were singing in unison and the wind had started to run

The inland had features so many, but it faded before the unconscious fairy

Finally the curtain got raised, in succession my eyes were glazed

Who are you she asked and I almost passed…

Like the morning’s birds chirping along the temple’s bell ringing

Like the wind chimes clinging with the water pot’s gurgling

Rustling of autumn’s leaves in the silence of peace

Like my heart said something to me……..?

An inch I moved forward and I almost went onward

Like the sandalwood’s divinity along the red chilies’ seductively

Like the spirituality of incense sticks creeps with the passion of roses

To freshen up, like the freshness of purity……..!!

And I left this one incomplete…..

i dont know how much does the following video go in with the poem...but allright...my blog, my wish... :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jmw0ghOvLDc

2009-08-24T23:01:00.008+05:30

I don’t know what……

2^nd August, 07

A spherical lampshade hangs over my eyes

Light tears through the curtain drawn windows

Trying to sleep, I keep staring at the darkness

Holding up my hand, I stare, but it is …dark……

Wind chimes clutter along a whistling sound

Painful eyes wanting to retire with sleep

Mind awake, the body is at unrest

Something creeps in and thoughts flicker within

Confusion grips the lonely heart

Oppressed are visions, suppressed are the thoughts

Far across are shadows, even light is a lesser guest

Relics seem to crash and the marks are all wet

Raging is the water, surging is its chest

Flashing along the road, wind blown sores rest

Backing off in pain is the only smiling way

Two steps here and another two there

A cat turns around, a silver flash slivers

Change is inevitable but what’s the whole issue

Crows and eagles only soar in the sky

Clouds pour down, there’s disgust in my eye

Holding the river is a whole new lie

Smiling along the whole while, aye

Deserted would be the ways, directionless it says

Will and aggression all into chains

Drooping shoulders, head bowed down

Faceless is the crowd with no aim of my own

A dilapidated soul in a heavy stroll

Corridors are so empty, sightings of rarity

Once in a blue moon, is a dream of clarity?

(Those reigning rain drops, the covert sneak outs, A ray of hope and a clap of thunder….)

Roses turning colorless, black blocks seeming endless

Paths closing ruthless, jamming me merciless

Revenge of all goodness, trembling all norm less

Time heals and time is sealing

Roaming in a circle, my wish is a cycle

Floating around, meddled is my ambition

Wreckage lies around, strength is now shattered

Shattered along, killing glorifies my view

Here I am, still smiling for a few………

©Archit ™Creations of an unstable mind

DREAM

2009-08-23T01:01:00.004+05:30

Being 22 years old and almost two and a half times younger to my father, I know that I still have a lot to see and experience. Obviously, we have a hoard of questions waiting in our minds to play a very important role in steering us towards our tomorrow. I feel, now I am old enough to understand the basics at least.

Everyone is a dreamer and every dream is like music. I feel as if my dream process is similar to holding an electric guitar and playing it away to glory just like Slash of Guns n Roses fame. I believe music is all about sensation. Music defies logic, exudes sensation and makes you feel just the same as a warm sunshine on a cold winter morning. It’s just the sensation that you enjoy.

Anyways, at times I dreamt of being a pilot who touches the sky, a rock star, a sports star, a business tycoon and at times, the PM of India. But none of those characters in real life seem to instill sensation any more. In reality, they are flying in helicopters but neither do they have the heart to look down nor the courage to touch the sky. Every one is tied in between their commitments and issues where in the desire to bring about a change is only restricted to their own personal glory. My dreams did not portray such characters. In fact, they had an aura which enabled them to represent men among mankind, the growth of which has always been affected by people who can influence. But to what end?

Today, I have stopped dreaming.

Today, the world is in a state of perpetual chaos. People are consciously and unconsciously unaware of a lot of things, including the present. We can say that today we chose to ignore the chaos for the sake of fulfillment of our own necessities and desires. Everyone hopes that everyone should do something but everyone ends up doing nothing because no one makes a self conscious effort to bring even an iota of change to the present. Everyone is waiting for some one to make a start and every one is rather looking for a hope.

On the contrary, I feel that the world is a very large place to talk about. Let’s talk about our own home, India. Today, the responsibility holders and the rein bearers of Bharat Mata’s chariot are sitting on mounds of gold and following their single pursuit of happiness – the road to Authority. The four legged platform, proudly called as the “Kursi”. Some of them advocate the backwards or the “previously” crushed class, the dalits. Some advocate the marathis, gujaratis, jaats, gurjars, x community, y community, z community and so on so forth. The difference is that the alphabet doesn’t end at ‘Z’. Our ‘elected’ members of parliament have the time and money to resurrect infinite statues of them selves and celebrate their birthdays. They have the stomach to eat kilograms of cakes and the strength to wear garlands made up of thousands of flowers. They DO NOT have the money for cleaning up the rivers, no money for drains and none to offer when there is a condition of drought. There are no proper schools for children and no shade to cover their heads but unnecessary construction in form of innumerous buildings just for the purpose of a organizing a rally. This is the time when they don’t do anything except complaining about each other. With no strength to visit people living in NO electricity land and stay there for even a fortnight, they don’t even have the courage to present their people with a flower when they waste thousands of them in a single birthday celebration. When the drains of cities are overflowing due to blockages and the people of all the castes, race, religion and region are suffering. When the slums and villages are flooded by the rains or burning in fire, they fly in a helicopter to inspect the site of suffering and comment: “Mujhe bohot khed hai…”

The fact is that… I am extremely sad.

The desire of glamour, money and power are worsening the so called ‘Kalyug’ and eating up our nation backwards. Mere mortals and public servants are draining the public to a state of lesser and lesser mortality and we have been living in a constant hope of change, to be exclusively brought about at time ‘T’ by Mr. ‘X’. The war of desire and its fulfillment has been taken to such a level where only TRPs matter. The media has a lavish ‘Rakhi ka Swayamvar’ to telecast and news channels have all the time in the world to re-telecast and summarize the same. Also, our ministers have the time to discuss petty issues of small serials in the parliament.

I fail to comprehend the very concepts of our polity and I give up. Sorry for making the mistake of thinking that media is being operated by extremely intelligent and educated people.

Let’s move on. Today, parents have all the money for smoking and drinking and gulping mouth ‘fresheners’ but not enough to buy their children a book or two to study. Girls are encouraged to take up Home Science as a subject against their wishes. Yes, this is a reality, dint you know? Come on, get out of your room and interact. The so called entrepreneurs have loads of money to shed on building engineering colleges and medical colleges and institutes for MBA and other degrees but not enough to hire proper teachers. No morals to get the college accredited and our AICTE chief is suspended. The ever-growing population and upcoming students take a refuge in these colleges because either there is 85% reservation for regional students or there is more than 50% reservation for other casts and leaving apart everything, where is the merit list?

Ohh… there it is, in your pocket…!

You are wise you have it in your pocket. Some years ago there was a movement by students and their parents with the list in their hands. I am glad to re-notify you, that they were crushed with a heavy hand comprising of canes and jets of water followed by bloodshed. No, they just wanted reconsideration because they felt that they deserved or may be they ‘thought’ they did. The resulting quality of education has stepped down from bad to worse since there are no teachers to teach and no students to study. So even students today are aiming to grab a degree and move on. The respect of teachers has been submerged and so have emerged a new class of teachers, who have time only for gossip and analyzing the monetary worth of a student’s examination answer sheet. Innumerous students have resorted to studying abroad and innumerous others are doing what they have been forced to do by their parents or society or reservation or better say, the state of opportunity. All of them are gravely frustrated and so our next generation doesn’t want to pay attention to anything else except surviving. They are now busy in realizing and manifesting their destiny. Some are busy wasting their life in search of jobs, another set in drugs and so on so forth. Even this field is run by educated people of the highest order who have ousted Saraswati out of ‘Vidya ka mandir’.

How nice?

The system is being eaten away alive, by termites while we sit at home, watching ‘rakhi ka swayamvar’ or ‘dil mil gaye’ and enjoying the comfort of our air conditioners and puffed cushions. The honest chunk of people has been surrounded by hounds from all sides so that they have no space to breath. The upcoming generation is busy celebrating friendship day and Valentine’s Day as the state of today continues to howl and scream in pain. Sadly, all of us today use earplugs with hundred percent noise cancellation so that we can enjoy our own music.

At times, in moments of despair, when I faced my personal problems or when I helped some of my friends in theirs, I had a question in mind. When I read novels like Shantaram and The White Tiger, I have a question in my mind. TV programmes being aired on CNN, BBC, Discovery or History channel show a lot of biased things about India and one question haunts me. At night, while walking back home from a party, I notice poor people sleeping on the black mattress of charcoal and I question myself. In class during lectures, on a motorcycle, while watching a movie or be it any where now I have started to dream of that question.

And the question is that:

Everyone has a purpose in life, what is that, which I have been given birth for?

Either you can keep standing and keep watching or kindly wake up and desire to know it. The universe will provide you energy and means enough to realize it. Everyone has a destiny which one talks about. We talk about what it is, how will we fulfill it and other questions and keep running after them. But we leave the question of our purpose untouched. Some of us ignore it and some of us run away from the same. No one makes an effort to realize it and try to touch it. Can we not take the initiative to find out the purpose of our life while moving towards our destiny? Can we not help ourselves?

As Ayn Rand puts it up in The Fountainhead: “A man who can’t help himself can’t help anybody”

May be it is yet not time and I have not been able to realize the answer to my question, but at least I know the question now. All I want is a medium, to communicate and light up the minds of hundreds and thousands and millions and then may be billions of people with my question. I feel that today we need this question more than we need hope. All that we need is not influence but education and the rise of a responsible world.

I feel a voice in my throat, wanting to come out and spread around. Why can’t we afford a heart or courage enough to let it out? We have no medium to let it survive. Sensation breeds action. Right sensation breeds right action. If we could device some sensation so as to keep the voice alive, bring the people of today out of their perpetual coma and make them see what responsibility they have for themselves, may be then a responsible world would be a better place to live in. A place where every one wants to take an initiative and do something, not merely complain. A place inherited by educated people who know themselves and have the ability to mentor the tomorrow.

Today, I dare to dream of such a medium. I dream to contribute by making a difference. For now, at least I dare to dream.

May sunshine soothe all…

Last Days & Thoughts

2009-08-23T00:31:00.006+05:30

Some lost memories of an old time. May be its good to vent it at some point of time. So here i am...with a very simple account...which i feel ...are absolutely absurd....

Last days and thoughts…………

From this quadrangle on four supports

I can see another one on two…………

The rows were changing but we were still there

Now the rows will change but we will not be there.

The sun kept rising, but we were there. Stood there everyday……

The sun will keep rising, but we will not be present anymore.

These moments came everyday and went away.

Later these moments will pass away but we will not remember what they were,

The rows will move towards the quadrangles but we will not be there

The managers will be there but we will not be there,

Time keeps passing we will be there but finally a time will come when we will be nowhere.

Then we will plunge into deep waters in those shades of white and grey.

Then we will dive into those depths of red and green.

Quadrangles kept changing, we were there but finally we realized we were nowhere.

Now we feel how beautiful were those days. Now we feel how deep the feelings were.

The candles are still burning but the wax is not vanishing.

The candles are still burning but they are not shortening.

The mind is still working but in a different landscape.

Red and green have turned into white.

All the memories still wander with me till tonight.

They will wander with me every night.

Coz it was the best time of my life.

Coz those were the best days of my life.

Compromise

2009-08-13T02:38:00.003+05:30

I have a topic left to think about, and this one emotion, is the deciding factor of my life. How should I judge it?

“Compromise” is one hell of a word.

“Powerful people never compromise”

………………………………………..Is the statement right?

“Weak people always compromise”

………………………………………...Is this wrong?

For me, these two statements are very confusing. I am not able to understand so as to what conclusion should I draw from them. Should I follow the first one or should I accept the second one? Should I shun the former or reject the latter? Should I compromise or should I not? And above all…WHEN and WHEN NOT…??

Confusion is in the air…

Compromise has become or rather say, is a part of everyone’s life, but how you treat it, negatively or positively or when it works for you favorably, and when against, pushes you into two criteria altogether. Any of these are always against you, because may be you make a compromise and then are affected favorably then you did MAKE a COMPROMISE. If you don’t compromise and it works against you then also you are in a trouble. What say?

What others think is not important but it always is important, that God looks at, and knows everything.

Now, the question arises so as to where should we, and where should we not, compromise with a particular situation. Going morally and spiritually and also knowing fully well that the Almighty is always there, watching us, I say we have to compromise with things and not with some. Confusion again, what about the personal desires of a person? Shouldn’t one try to make everything that he or she wants, to come true. I mean not the things which are ethically wrong, but those which are not.

Let me propose a new confusion…

Under what circumstances should we compromise and then again…how? I am totally confused. Love, war, relations ethics, work…all in all, situations which are innumerable.

The biggest question, why does it happen most of the times when we don’t want any obstruction on the smooth road of life that we always desire to have?

There are people who compromise on every turn of their lives and still some, who turn and mix them up with them up with their desired path to broaden it up as and how they like. Uhhh…again a question…!

When, How and Why should we?

Then if we do, are we justified and if we don’t, then also am I…justified?

So all in all, compromise is one mind boggling word for me which means and implies confusion of sorts. It disturbs the scenario of my life as well.

Decisions fall beyond hazy foreground and my feelings create a big labyrinth for me.

Perhaps…an unanswerable question or a crown of innumerable nails with questions which disturb…

Surrender on a paper...

2009-08-06T14:01:00.002+05:30

Drink…

Drink the morning air child

It holds a mystic new smile

The evening is weary, wear it off

The slumber of night is peeling off

Mind being blank, Voices seem noises

Hazy horizon gives an orange sigh

The roads are silent and trees are deaf

Birds fly away, the sun sets off

Bidding adieu, he smiles at a few

Heavy steps of burden, right

Mind’s heavy with a gruesome sight

Jealousy swings in and jealousy out

Flames of repentance are burning high

Drink the heat child, Drink the air right

Taste the burn, you deserve it, fight

Sourness and bitterness are part of life

Stones and pebbles included, all right?

Pick it up, carry it on

Leave them, fly on

Bear them child, you need them, right

Bright lights and pulses at night

They tell their own story and flight

Customize yourself oh fool

You need to be an introvert at times

The water of daylight

Striking hard the stinging part

Drink it, its slushy child

Stop this, I don’t like it

Stop that, I mind it

Chained thoughts and bearing rocks

The mystic sea, smiles all right

Inputs and outputs, practical possibility

Rains down the acidic cloud

Birds fly, flying high

Bring my end, o’ my my…

Suffering long, long, long

Give me solace, give me time

I want to run, amidst lushes

I want to move, down smooth grasses

Love my existence, not persistence

Move in air without a surface

Yellow orange blue and green

Sunflower sun water and sea

Attraction magnificence purity and vastness

Lust ambition soul and love

Flowers clouds water soil

Coolness gravity fare all well

Oh my God, I want to see you

Feel, zeal, enthusiasm, movement

Nature, nurture, live life not destiny

White dust, sand aloud screams the scorching sunlight

I love you, I hate you

I want you, I can’t get you

What to do? Tell me lord

Blankness and vastness pull me apart

The light of future tests me and strikes

My life is a burnt file

A tramp, a joint, I am a restless mind

Drink it, oh child

Drink, it’s a restless wine

Child, you are my brightest light

Seasons gone by currents moving on

Store me in a box and throw me in

Maybe, I could live that way

Tumbling, toppling on a sway

Going nowhere, not even living

I could just…move on

Like a flower blooms everyday

Like it rains on a spring day

I could have lived, I could have swung

May be I, could have loved you all, the way

I am a big disaster

All the way

I am a sick, I don’t know who?

I am all around the world in a sway

I come down the hills in a fray

Living alone, living blue

I live in a green gung ho

My life, is an all blue show…

Game or Foolery

2008-12-29T12:14:00.001+05:30

Aaj main baitha hua hoon apni un adhoori ikchaon ke darmiyaan, jo shayad, shayad kabhi poori na ho saken.

Ek jugnu dekha maine jiski jagmag ne mujhe jhikjhond diya.
Un nazron se jab maine nazren milayeen to mujhe ek anjaan tasveer nazar aayi.
Pal hi mein usme akeli parchayeen nazar aayi aur pal hi pal mein sachchai dhundhlai.
Voh parchayeen to meri hi thi……..

Sochta hoon abhi bhi, kya meri ikscha sirf ek tamanna thi?
Aaj main bahut sochta hoon, fir bhi gir jaata hoon.

Kuch tum kaho, kuch hum kahen
Khamoshi nahi, baton ki mehfil ho.
Do boond tumhare dil se ho,
Shayad khoon hamare ashru hon.

Sitting on the rocks or a distant desolate cliff
I would want a moment stiff
With drops of water hitting our faces,
May be we summit each other’s faces.

You can consider me you actual love and you always have been mine.
We play a game of serious talks along with the romantic drops.
You tell your love how much you love him and I promise you to tell a net plus one.
Is this possible, I think would not and will never be………

इस दरमियाने का शायद, सही में नहीं कोई बयाना………..

©Archit ™Creations of an unstable mind_M Lo&Ro Crtnzzzz……….

वास्तविकता क्या है?

2008-12-28T10:40:00.000+05:30

I realize every aspect of what I am up to nowadays and I realize what my responsibilities are, but knowing everything well and full, then also I am such a jerk that I do everything that I think I will not, time and again and keep doing it until I fall face down.

Although I know what is good for me, although I realize where I will flinch, but then too I take the initiative and fall face down.

सोच, विघ्नकारी एवं विनाशकारी है.
अधिक सोचना, जीवन के दिशानिर्देशन में विघ्न उत्पन्ना कर देता है. मोह में पड़कर सोचना व्यक्ति के लिए मुसीबत उत्पन्न कर देता है.

सच ही तो है, जो मोह में पड़ा, वो माया में उलझा और शायद वाही व्यक्ति दिशा अनिर्देश में पड़कर विनाश के गाल में सम्मिलित हो जाता है.

तो सब कुछ जानते हुए भी तुम क्यों कदम रखते हो उस जगह पर, जहाह तुम हमेशा गिरते हो? ख़ुद को-क्यों?
ख़ुद ही क्यों ले जाते हो ख़ुद को ऐसे वीराने में जहाँ तुम जानते हो कित उम् खो जाओगे…??

स्वयं ही स्वयं को समझना, समझाना और एकाग्र करना होगा अन्यथा स्वयं ही स्वयं को पहुँचा दोगे असमंजस में जहाँ अशांति का प्रकोप तुम्हे जकड लेगा.

Will is what will pull you towards success and willingly only you shall be able to climb mountains with ease and without difficulty.

2008-12-25T00:04:00.000+05:30

मैं और तुम……………

लह्फ्जों में न बयान कर पाऊँ जिन्हें, कुछ बातें ऐसी हैं
ज़ख्म को मिटा कर लहू सुखा दे, वो मुस्कराहट ऐसी है
खुशी को मेरा कफ़न बना बैठेगी यारों, मेरी चाहत कुछ ऐसी है………

वो हँसी और वो चमक मेरी आंखों में जगमगाती है, मेरी चाहत आज डगमगाती है

वो पायल अब भी मेरे कानो में छमछामाती है, मेरी किस्मत आज फ़िर वाही पुरानी है….....

नशा वो मेरा, सवेरा है मेरा
रात वो मेरी, वो तारा किसी का
दिल चाहे उसे पाना, जो हीरा किसी का

आंखों की बातें मेरे दिल की गहराई
सजनी की बातें मेरी शाम की अंगडाई
उसके साथ चलना मुझे सपना लगता है
उसके बारे में सोचना अभी भी अच्छा लगता है

नज़रें जाती हैं जहाँ, कुछ खनकता है यहाँ
पानी में भी है बसा, उस खनक का नशा
चूड़ी और पायल सब छानकर करते हैं
आज भी वो मुझसे तकरार करते हैं

दिल सोचता है, मुझे हर आँगन ढूंढता है
फिजा में खुशबू, हर कण में सजी है
रोम में सजकर वो मुझमे बसी है
ज़रूरत है उसकी वो मेरी कड़ी है
सिर्फ़ एक ये मेरी अन्तिम खुशी है

क्षणभर का गुस्सा, वो आंखों का जादू
आवाज़ में भी चम् चम्, बारिश की बूँदें
रस है वो साँसे, मेरी अब रुकेंगी
राह का जुगनू, ये मेरी लगी है

पल पल का जादू मेरा सहारा
पलकों पे रखा है एक नजराना
पलटना वो उसका है दिल पा बी लगता
मेरी खुशी का समुन्दर है बौना

वो समय था जब मुझे चाहिए था सहारा, एक कन्धा तुम्हारा और तुम थे कहाँ यह तुम्हारी है माया. एक पल था भरियो एक रस्म थी आई।

टूटा हुआ कांच एक फांस की तरह चुभ रहा था और तुमको मालूम था……फ़िर भी….तुम….नही….
बोला था तुमसे एक बार कह दो, लेकिन…
सीधा था रास्ता, चलना कठिन था
तुम थे सहारा, पर तुम ही नही थे…

वो रातें थी मेरी, तारे गिरे थे
धसे मो मुझमे, चिहुंके कही थे
मानना मुझे, वो मेरा था सपना
मेरा वो दुःख अब उसका बना था
हाथ वो सर पे, उम्दाव अटूट था
मेरी रूह मुझमे जो उमड़ी चली थी

(वो मुझे देखते ही वहाँ थे और आप भी वही थे,
जब छोड़ा उन्होंने तब भी आप वही थे……..)

पल पल था भारिफिर भी आप वही थे
हम घिसटते पड़े थे जब आप वही थे
बोले ‘सहारा’ और आप वही थे
न रौशनी न चन चन वो तो नही थे
बोले थे आपसे क्या आप भी नही थे?

आज भी गिरते और उठते हम ही हैं
वक्त का तकाज़ा कुछ हम ही बने हैं
पलडा है मेरा उठा हुआ ज्यादा
पर ज़मीन को एकदिन चूना मुझे है
वो बंधन है मेरा, वो मेरा खुदः है
दिल है वो मेरा जो आस बना है……..

Kabhi & Abhi

2008-12-24T23:41:00.000+05:30

KABHI…………

लम्हों में तुम्हे ताकता हूँ, हर पल मैं तुमसे सराबोर रहता हूँ,
हर ख्वाब में तुम, हर घड़ी तुमसे मिलता रहता हूँ

कैसे बोलू …….?
अब डर भी लगता है…
पहाड़ सा लक्ष्य है सामने, मुझे हवा से भी डर लगता है
हवा भी तो समय का सूचक है, समय ही तो मेरे पास कम है...

वापस आना है मुझको, सारा दर्द छुपाना है
गम का प्याला पीना है, तुम्हारे लिए ख़ुद को लायक बनाना है
डगर में लड़खड़ाहट है, मुझे ख़ुद को भी वापस लाना है

नशा है निराला, बेहोशी chhhayi रहती है
अंगडाई में भी तन्हाई लगती है, लिखना भी सीधा ही अच्छा लगता है
'है' का प्रयोग कुछ ज्यादा होता है…

ये समय भी अनोखा लगता है, कशिश अनकही दबाये बैठा हूँ
एक सन्नाटा सा चाय रहता है, अजीब से ख्याल दिल में पिरोये रहता हूँ …
उनसे भी डर लगता है, मनन करता है उनसे भागने का
पर वो हैं की.......जकडे रहते हैं
फिसल फिसल कर फ़िर चिपटने लगते हैं

धागा मेरा तुम्हारा बहुत अलग है…
मुश्किल में कभी कोई ऐसा करता है, कोई तुम्हे बहुत चाहता है
झांको तो उसकी आंखों में…
तैरती हुई ख़ुद की तस्वीर नज़र आएगी
चिहुन्क्ति सी एक आस नज़र आएगी
छुपी हुई एक चमक नज़र आएगी
धीमे से....
कोई तुमसे....
कान में बोलेगा.....
'तुम…'

कभी ज़िन्दगी में भूले बिसरे ऐसा होता है, कोई तुमसे बहुत प्यार करता है
देखो उसके माथे की शिकन को, वो तुम्हारा ही इंतज़ार करता है
बोहोत कम ऐसा होता है, कोई तुम्हारे इंतज़ार में मुस्कुराया करता है
ये सब लिखते हुए आंसू pochhta …….
मुस्कराहट का इंतज़ार, इंतज़ार के ढलने का इंतज़ार करता है
हाथ की लकीर और ख़ुद से इज़हार, इनकार और लहजे से तुमसे मिल कर
दुनिया भूलकर……..सिर्फ़ तुमसे प्यार करता है
ऐसा कोई कभी कभार करता है.....
गलती न होने पर भी ऐतबार करने, मुश्किल से मुलाकात…….
कोई कभी ही तुम्हारे लिए ऐसा करता है

एक बार तो देख ले पलट के ए जालिम
एक बार तो देख ले पलट के ए जालिम.........

प्यार तो तू भी ऐसा करता है.......

क्यों मुझे तडपती हो, ‘तुम’… क्यों ऐसे इतराती हो?
मुझे झिक्झोर कर, क्यों सपने में मिलती हो?
भुला न पाएंगे…अब हम किसी और को न चाह पाएंगे…
फिक्र न करो, लौट कर तुम्हारे ही पास आयेंगे
याद रखना…तुम्हे फ़िर सतायेंगे

...i shall return

कभी कभार ही किसी का ख्याल तुम्हारा ख्याल होता है
कभी कभी ही कोई तुमसे इतना प्यार करता है
कभी ही कोई तुम्हारे लिए वापस आता है
क्युकी वो ‘तुम’ से इतना प्यार करता है...........

ABHI………….

अभी और मन करता है,
तुमसे और बात करने का
samhul samhul कर मैं क्या बताऊँ, कैसे चलता हूँ ….

bahut मुश्किल से कोई इस मुश्किल में पड़ता है
क्या बोले…और क्या नही…समझ नही paataa हूँ …

हर पल और हर साँस में तुम्हे ही जीता हूँ..
आँख खोल कर तुमसे मिलता हूँ, सोने पर तुम्हे देखता हूँ
मुस्कराहट की तुम्हारी नक़ल करता हूँ, तेरी आवाज़ की खनक को सुना करता हूँ
चाँद में तुम्हे, हवा के झोंके में महसूस होती तुम्हारी याद…
तुम्हारी महक…
इंतज़ार में बसी, चरों तरफ़ तुम्हारी बातें करता हूँ ......

'तुम' बहुत ख़राब हो, सोचकर…
ख़ुद को तुमसे दूर भी रखता हूँ
क्या करू....झूठ भी बोलू तो किस्से?
छोड़ो भी….तुम्हे तो मैं बहुत बुरा लगता हूँ...?अभी हम तुमसे इतना ऐतबार करते हैं .....
माफ़ करो...... अब तुमसे ही इतना प्यार करते हैं

अभी बस यही पर कलम रखते हैं, फ़िर आयेंगे…

पर....
क्या जानती हो?
तुम भी हमे बहुत प्यार करती हो, वो बात अलग है.........
इज़हार और अंजाम से.........

डरती हो.........

miss you lots……..

29/3/08
1:27am

©Archit ™Creations of an unstable mind_M Lo&Ro Crtnzzzz……….

Smoke on Water

2006-04-08T22:43:00.000+05:30

Smoke On Water

Frustrated……
Completely sick of all that’s going on……..
I stand alone.

As the mathematics class was going to begin and I had been hit by an idea, and I couldn’t bear with the one to sit back.
I have to do this….
Because this is what will take me out to one of the things that I haven’t done till today. I need to write this feeling out.

With a register in hand and two pens in pocket, I moved out.
“I am going out. Out of the college to sit behind the petrol pump in the shade and the breeze. (I have something to do)”
And……..
I was joined by a friend.

Near the gate of the college, I asked him, in fact told him that I wanted to smoke. Taste a cigarette, know how it feels. I will get to know how it does feel and also may be I would lighten myself off the burden of tension.

“No, I will not let you smoke.”

We reached the petrol pump, where there was a small ‘Ghumti’. My friend bought his Rs.3 dose and we moved on. I was asking him to give it to me but he denied. A senior was coming…..
I asked my friend so as to how do you feel when you smoke?
“Nothing, you feel nothing.
Something may seem like lightening your body…..”

The senior had come and I asked him the same question to receive……
“Experience it yourself…..”

“I set my money to fire…..
I set my throat to fire…..
I set my life to fire…..
Why should I tell it to you……..”

“No, I mean something if nothing…..
Actually I want to write about it……..”

“You feel nothing….nothing at all…..”

“So why does one smoke….?”

“There is no ‘why’ for smoking…….
One may start to smoke when he’s with his friends and others, or may be walking on a road you see a small shop and like to smoke, a feeling creeps in…….you go and smoke……feel nothing, inhale smoke and move on….that’s it.
Nothing special ….!
Else there is some tension or problem that you are going through and that’s why you start to smoke…thinking it may relieve you. Yes it does, but it’s a very temporary sort of relief, then again the same tension cries from beneath and tenses you more….without a change….”

My friend spoke…..
“If you seriously want to write, then I suggest you literally have one.”

“OK. Bring the best possible then” and he went on……

The senior’s heart wasn’t agreeing.
“Don’t smoke idiot, you’ll get addicted.”

“No sir, I will not.”

“Everyone says this. First it is one, then two, then four and then……..”

“No, when I have said I will not, then that’s ‘it’…I will not…..”
I knew I will not.

Rs.4 Wills Classic was there to serve my throat. “By the way how do you hold it?”

I had no knowledge of all this, neither how to hold it, nor how to use it.
Amateur, Ha!!

“Suck it, and take it in.”
Nothing happened. Nothing, except that I enjoyed the smoke, the way it came out. No feeling took birth inside.

“You are not able to smoke, you are wasting the cigarette.
Take it in, hold it and then inhale it inside, normally, just the way you breathe.
Nothing still…..?.....”

Wasting……a cigarette….??
Nothing was happening. Except……..
Something was approaching.
I wasn’t able to smoke till a lot of time. But in the end, I took a really long one with all my might. Finally, I coughed.
Something burnt my throat, going and crawling through my wind pipe a sensation was unfolding. Clutching my throat, a sense of guilt was something which had approached.

“You feel a little bit of….nausea..?”

Nothing external has now power enough to bring nausea to me. Nothing external has now power enough to overcome the nausea which is created by my mind. This heart and mind is stuck somewhere, with someone, it’s so faithful, has had so many big bumps that a mere stick of cigarette can not move me.

Another senior had arrived and he held me by my neck. Left me in an instant and said…
“Seeing this made me sad……the sight did not seem good.”

I knew it would hurt you. I am sorry.

The seniors went off and I was left alone with my friend, both staring at each other. One was amazed and full of suspicion and the other shot a smile. Latter was guilty to have smoked and the other……to have provided it.

“I will not smoke again. I never will.
In fact I will make my conscious and conscience so very strong, that I will be par such small levels, such small levels….of smoking.”
I needed water. I felt like going to the canal nearby. About two fifty meters from our college, there is a canal.

“I could have stopped you from doing all this. But I did not. I feel extremely bad now….”

“Why are you feeling bad? I smoked, just in order to write. Let’s move to the ‘nehariya’ and you see and listen to what I show you and tell you there.”

He bought two more cigarettes and a few chewing gums and a match box. Guilty enough……. I was drowned with guilt of having defied my parents, friends and above all My God.

We went back to college, picked up a bike and moved to the canal, called ‘nehariya’.
* * * * * *

Under the shade of trees, we stopped the bike. Folding our pants up and taking out our shoes and socks, we moved down the slope slowly. Water being low had deposited a lot of silt on the sides. The slope was made of bricks and small plants had grown in a scattered manner. We reached the water and sat down. Submerging my legs under water, I felt nothing…….
Nothing…..nothing at all…….

I had thought that the water will refresh me and take away the feeling of guilt or whatever there was with its flow, but to no effect. The water was still flowing in the same manner and I had experienced no change of feelings yet.
Now, I put my hand under the water as well, but…..
I moved it around….but…..no effect….
No change ……

And, I was awestruck.
Why isn’t anything happening…….anything or something….?? Why am I not feeling light? Instead more of guilt is pouring in……..
More of disturbance is moving around. Why ….. ??

My friend had started off with another cigarette.
“I could have very well stopped you from smoking, but I did not. I am at fault….
Tell me the truth, why did you smoke, why did you do this…?”

“Because I had to write, and now I am so very guilt ridden, that I….I don’t know how to heal myself. The smoke is……its crawling in my skin.”
I had though that the water would help, but its flowing in its own……ignoring me.
What now…..?
This lack of self control is consuming, not ending…….

“Fire, Water, Wind, Earth and the Sky……….
We are made up of these five elements of God, they being the purest form of life. When we have something in excess, either positive or negative, only they can help absorb it. I thought they would help.”

I splashed the water surface hard…..and kept on doing it….
Something moved…..
I took the match box and lit up a matchstick.
I prayed to God to relieve me, sorry I was indeed…..for what I had done.
I did it just for writing and my wish to smoke, that strange feeling which I smoked for….everything is making me pay heavily in terms of guilt……please save me God.
I will never do it again. This is all I know and all that’s important for me now on to know, myself and my conscience. Pardon me lord. I will certainly not do it again.

In the lap of the five elements of God, I was relaxed of the burden of smoke that was making me heavy. I will tell this to everyone, I will write it down.

Now I knew, until you did something which satisfies the almighty, that you…….
You are seriously talking to him and that you were in a true position, situation and realization, you are not freed. As I remembered him and told myself that I had done all this not to do it again and have not cheated anyone, I was taken out of the smoke and freed of the ashes………..

“I could have stopped you…….but I still did not…..why..?”
Lighting up another cigarette my friend spoke again…..after a long span of silence.

“See it’s not at all …….
Leave all this……you couldn’t have stopped me. Now it’s done and I am free, so shut up and take this thing out of your mouth.”

Saying this, I took the cigarette and crushing it with our hands we drowned it under water, letting it go…….off, dedicating it to the water.
Staring at each other we realized that all the questions and answers were disappearing like thin smoke in air, and finally a smile returned back to our faces as we returned back to college….once again thanking lord for all he had given us.
* * * * * *

This is was the first and last time I touched a cigarette. You know….
It’s a real bad feeling for a first timer, especially if he is someone who’s connected well to parents, friends and God…..
It’s choking, really the guilt is………
Tension doesn’t run away, it comes back with a mightier blow…..so….
Keep track…..!!